


Out of the Frying Pan, And Into The Fire

by Quill18



Series: Black Phoenix [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: FTM Sirius Black, Gen, Harry is a Little Shit, Humor, Nonbinary Sirius Black, Past Child Abuse, Sirius Black is Harry Potter's Parent, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Trans Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:14:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22079788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quill18/pseuds/Quill18
Summary: At the end of first year, Harry's  desperation to avoid the Dursleys riles up the protective magics of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. He finds himself whisked away to Grimmauld Place and has an extremely interesting summer.---Chapter 1: Walburga Black hates snotty little filthy half bloods. She hates them even more when they flick boogers at her portrait.---Told non-chronologically, and in snippets because writing with ADHD is hard.
Relationships: Orion Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Black Phoenix [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1583080
Comments: 8
Kudos: 83





	Out of the Frying Pan, And Into The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> See ending for spoilers/explanation of Walburgas rantings. I have this AU mostly outlined for the summer before second year/second year but my suicidal depression and adhd makes it hard to write long form so ya'll get snippets posted out of order. Otherwise this'll never get done.
> 
> This takes place right at the beginning of summer before Sirius or Orion make their appearance.

Harry's new home, Grimmauld Place was interesting in one of those horror movie kind of ways. 

For one, there's a portrait. And bloody bollocks, did the old hag scream a lot, the only thing worse then the portrait's high shrill voice, was Harry's memories of Aunt Petunia shrieking into his ear.

Her withered bony fingers reached for him, rabid fury in her milky grey eyes as she spat out degrading insults that rivaled the verbal abuse from the Dursleys. Spittle flew out of her mouth, Harry would've fled if it wasn't for Kreacher "introducing" him to her. 

"Mistress....I present to you....filthy master's....child." The hag's eyes her bulged as painted black fire erupted from her hair, a crown of fury and madness.

She wailed and hunched over, her thin brittle fingers tried to reach for Harry beyond the frame. Her manicured nails ended in sharp points, like the claws of a harpy. She looked like one too, if a harpy decided to shed her feathers and talons for human form. 

Harry backed away but Kreacher dragged him over by his wrist as the hag kept shrieking.

"SHAME OF MY LOINS, SHAME OF MY FILTHY STOLEN DAUGHTER TURNED SON, THAT SHRIVELED FRUIT OF ORION'S SEED, WHO DARED JOINED IN A FILTHY UNION WITH A MUDBLOOD WHORE AND A BLOOD TRAITOR HUSSY.

BEGONE DISAPPOINTMENT OF MY DISAPPOINTMENT,

BEGONE, FOUL WHELP THAT BEFOULS MY VISION” 

Harry blinked owlishly at her.

….Daughter turned son???

Disappointment of my disappointment???

"Uh, Mrs..."

Kreacher knocked him upside the head. "Young filthy master will not address Mistress with terms from the filth."

Harry grumbled and rubbed his head. He thumped like Uncle Vernon.

The woman stopped mid-tirade, narrowed her eyes, wrinkled her nose and sniffed, as though Harry was something offensive. "That's Grandmother Black to you, half-blood disappointment." Her voice said in an acrid tone. She sounded like Aunt Petunia whenever Aunt Petunia tried to correct him on being more normal and less freakish. 

Great, he somehow finds his...Grandmother's portrait and she's a nutter just like Aunt Petunia. He was hoping his dad's side was a bit saner...

The dust from the portrait's curtains tickles his nose.

Harry sneezes.

The woman shrieks.

"HOW...HOW DARE YOU DEFACE MY PAINTING!"

Her voice is high and shrill, the harridan bellows.

Harry opens his eyes, Kreacher angrily mutters below his breath.

"How dare that filthy young master deface poor Mistress' portrait, his nasty little nose gunk all over her expensive paint..."

Little boogers have landed on the enchanted artwork.

The portrait is nearly empty, just green drapery and an old plush silver chair with a stack of books and a magical loom.

Grandmother herself is pushed against the silver frame, huddled and pointing her wand at the offending bogies.

"Get...GET RID OF IT."

Harry just stares.

She can't get rid of the bogies.

"I SAID GET RID OF IT."

Kreacher walks up with his dirty rag.

Harry, impulsively shoots out his open hand, he blocks Kreacher from getting any closer.

"YOU INSOLENT HALF BREED BOY, I COMMAND YOU TO RID MY PAINTING OF THIS...THIS FILTH.

She can't get rid of the bogies and she's do jack squat to him.

Unlike Petunia and her pans, Dudley and his girth, or Vernon and the locked cupboard,

she. cant. do. anything.

All she does is shriek.

And the strange bat eared creature....known as Kreacher, listens to him.

Sometimes.

Harry slowly digs his finger into his nose...and then flicks the bogie at her lower dress. She yelps and dodges.

Harry digs for another booger, flicks it at her face, she shrieks again and dodges it. Only for his hand full of spit to smack her dress.

He can get used to this, Harry grins for the first time in weeks.

Grandmother screams and flees her portrait.

Kreacher screams in the background.

"MISTRESSSS!

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius is trans masculine nonbinary in this timeline but has issues dealing with it because of Orion Black's cissexist parenting. Sirius here is also the second spouse of James Potter, with a blood ritual to make him Harry's third parent. As such, the family magic of the Black Family recognizes it but Harry hasn't seen the tapestry yet here.


End file.
